Grief can linger in your body even after you’ve laid a loved one to rest. Sometimes it sticks around until someone in your family is ready to heal.
You might be that person who puts an end to generational grief. If you’re unsure how, listen to this episode with my guest, Herdyne Mercier, a licensed clinical social worker. She’ll show us how to recognize generational grief and how to release it so we’re no longer carrying something that isn’t ours.
Shownotes
What Is Generational Grief?
- Before you can understand generational grief, you have to know what grief really means. As Herdyne shares, grief is when your heart breaks, and only you can truly understand what your heart is going through at that moment. This can happen during a divorce, a death in the family, or even watching your child graduate from school.
- Generational grief is something passed down from one generation to another. Herdyne gives the example of a Black mother and the pain she experiences raising a Black son in America.
- She also realized that the generational grief passed on to her was tied to her skin color. Things like racism, oppression, and financial gaps are all experiences that Black and Brown communities face in our society.
Our Grandmothers’ and Mothers’ Unacknowledged Grief
- Many of our grandmothers and mothers were never allowed to truly sit down and process the pain they experienced in life. This unacknowledged grief has unknowingly been passed down to our generation, or the next.
- Herdyne explains that our grandmothers and mothers grew up in a time when they weren’t permitted to be seen or heard. However, they often found solace in the kitchen, around the dinner table, or at church. These spaces allowed them to feel validated and begin to process their grief.
How Unprocessed Grief Shows Up in Our Lives
- Unprocessed generational grief tends to bleed into other areas of our lives and onto those around us. This often happens when we don’t do the work to process our emotions and truly feel what’s going on in our inner world.
- Signs that you’re experiencing grief can include sleepless nights, loss of appetite, isolation, and a loss of community. This is something you should never have to experience alone, and unfortunately, our society doesn’t teach us how to properly handle it.
The “Strong Black Woman” and “Silent Latina” Versus Grief
- The personas of the “strong Black woman” and the “silent Latina” stem from societal messages that tell us grieving isn’t okay. Herdyne shares that in order to grieve, you need vulnerability and safe spaces to truly feel your emotions.
- In some cultures, there’s a practice of stripping away what’s causing your pain. However, Herdyne suggests it’s better to hold onto it, allowing yourself to grieve the loss properly.
What Does Healing Look Like?
- Herdyne created grief anchors to help you begin the healing process. These include:
- Truth: Remember, it will set you free.
- Heart: What is it telling you?
- Community: You need to find a grief community that can support you.
- Faith: How does it support and heal you?
- Restoration: This doesn’t mean you stop crying; instead, you learn to embrace your emotions.
- For those who have never truly processed grief, Herdyne recommends simply making time to do it. Start by dedicating five minutes a day to tune into your emotions, and then allow yourself to move through the rest of your day without them overwhelming you.
“Don’t run away from grief; instead, make it your friend.” – Herdyne Mercier.
Resources
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