One day, you’re living your life as a wife, mother, and corporate professional. Then, out of nowhere, your husband wants a divorce because he found someone else.
The kids you’ve followed everywhere, making sure they have everything they need for success, are finally leaving for college.
You think you’ll be happy about the peace and quiet, but the silence only makes you realize how alone you are. The dreaded “empty nester syndrome” starts creeping in.
Then, at work, your boss comes into your office and tells you the company has decided to let you go.
With so much hitting at once, it can feel impossible to come back from this. That deep sense of hopelessness can make rebuilding seem overwhelming.
But you can find hope and rebuild from loss in episode 20 of the podcast. My guest, executive coach Dr. Jena L. Bell, shares her framework, insights, and encouragement.
She tells her story of how one turning point in her life transformed sadness into strength and power. Here’s a bit of what you can expect to hear from her.
The Moment Everything Changed
Dr. Bell’s turning point was dramatic: “I walked out of divorce court on Monday, August 10, and felt free that, oh my goodness, I am ready to just dive into the next chapter of my life.
Seven days later, I got a call on the following Monday that my job was over. So after 27 years, my job ends.” In just a week, every title she tied to her identity—wife, mother, career woman—was gone.
She describes the emotional aftermath vividly: “I was feeling lost. My whole identity was gone. Because, you know, as career women… I had all the trappings of this is success… Well, in seven days, they’re all gone. So I felt a tremendous amount of loss.”
But in the pain, she found a new beginning.
The realization was simple and transformative: “My biggest transformation… is when you choose yourself. So my story is really about the power of choosing yourself and what happens when you do that.”
What Does It Mean to Choose Yourself?
For Dr. Bell, it wasn’t just a decision—it was a daily act.
“It means that you’re now putting your needs first. It means that you’re making decisions that are in line with what you want and what you need. And it’s not reliant upon someone else to fulfill those needs.”
She repeatedly shares how true transformation is about alignment and being honest about your needs.
So many women, especially those climbing the corporate ladder or carrying family burdens, lose themselves in caring for others.
“We want everybody to be good. But then we lose sight of what we need to be good,” Dr. Bell says.
The Power of the Blueprint
After years of “trying to struggle,” Dr. Bell created her own blueprint—a framework for women who want to build not just a new life, but a new mindset.
“When I built the blueprint, it’s about taking her… and teaching you how now to build from a different framework, building your foundation from the bottom up.
What from your past that you still need to bring forward?… It gives you the structure and then it gives you the tools.”
Why is this so important? Because, as Dr. Bell puts it, “Your belief system has to be rewired… Now we’re trying to start a new life with that old belief system.”
Her blueprint replaces negative self-talk (“they’re not good enough, they can’t do this… they’re not going to find love…”) with clarity, hope, and actionable steps.
Clarity and Courage: The Ingredients for Change
If you’re feeling stuck, Dr. Bell says, “Clarity is what opens your mind to new possibilities, and it’s the recognition and awareness of the state that you’re in.
It doesn’t mean that you have all the answers, but it allows you to begin to ask questions.”
Once you have clarity, the next challenge is fear.
“Fear is a natural occurrence. It’s natural if you’re doing something you’ve never done before… What’s unnatural is when fear keeps us stuck and we refuse to move.”
Her advice? Take small steps: “You don’t have to make a grand leap. You can take one step at a time. And each time, even with your knees shaking… say, you know what? I got to do this.”
You Don’t Have to Do It Alone
Dr. Bell is candid about needing support—her sister’s tough love “reminded me of who I was” and sparked her into action.
She started seeking resources to find those who could help guide her through her season of change. “Having the courage to speak up and ask for help, seek help.”
Her final word to every woman listening.
“Know that there is more power in you than is outside of you. And when you can have the courage to look within and to begin to make decisions, to boss up—your life is a decision that you make to choose you, to put yourself in the driver’s seat.”
If you’re ready to move from hopelessness to healing, Dr. Bell’s story is your call to take that first step, build your blueprint, and boss up your own life.
Listen to episode 20 of A Safe Place for Brown Girls to hear her framework and get encouragement for your own season of transformation.