Many women in our community wear a mask of strength. They appear strong on the outside, but underneath, they’re broken, scared, and hurting.
For years, women of color have had to be there for others, but when it comes to our own needs, we’re not allowed to let the world know; we have to hold it in.
I’m sure you’ve realized what happens when you have to be strong for everyone else and don’t have time to rejuvenate yourself.
Studies on mental and emotional well-being consistently show that prioritizing self-care is a powerful tool for reducing stress and preventing burnout.
Yet, for many Black and brown women, knowing how to put ourselves first can be a real struggle.
In episode 14 of the podcast, I invited therapist and yoga instructor Rikki McCoy to share her knowledge and experience on practicing self-care.
In this post, you’ll find her advice on why it’s essential for Black and Brown women to prioritize their well-being and how to get started, despite cultural norms.
Why Prioritizing Self-Care is Non-Negotiable?
You know that feeling: a nonstop day that starts with eight hours at work, followed by driving your kids to their activities.
When they’re finally settled, you’re running errands for an elderly parent or dropping everything to lend a listening ear to a friend in need.
By 10 p.m., you finally get home, but you still have to clean the house, make tomorrow’s dinner, and make sure the kids are ready for school.
You wanted to enjoy a relaxing bubble bath, but by the time you’re done with all the chores, you’re too drained to do anything for yourself.
You’ve spent the entire day giving to others, and now there’s nothing left for you. This is exactly why Rikki says prioritizing self-care is non-negotiable.
Research shows that women in caregiving roles are more prone to stress and burnout.
However, self-care practices like yoga can help them relieve stress and continue to give to others without overwhelming themselves.
Are you a high-performing mom who feels the pressure to do it all? In episode 10, I share three simple mental health coping tools to help you take a step back and regroup.
You don’t have to carry the world on your shoulders. Listen to the episode and start giving yourself the grace you deserve.
What Self-Soothing Really Means?
Rikki’s personal journey into self-soothing began in college when she was overwhelmed by the pressure of her courses and a demanding social life.
This stress led to intense anxiety, and she quickly realized the need to find a way to bring herself back to center.
She defines self-soothing as the ability to regulate both the mind and body during stressful moments.
As she puts it, “Learning how to self-soothe is really learning how to bring yourself back to the center.”
For Rikki, this meant tapping into holistic practices like yoga and mindfulness, as well as listening to music to calm her nervous system.
While Rikki found her peace in yoga and music, your path to self-soothing might look different. It’s about finding what helps you recenter.
This could be dancing, going for a run, or spending just ten minutes a day reading the Bible.
The key is to take the time to figure out what works for you and make it a non-negotiable part of your routine.
The Five Forms of Self-Care
Rikki breaks down self-care into five essential categories:
- Physical Self-Care: Hydration, sleep routines, movement, and nourishment. Think drinking water, prioritizing sleep, and honoring your body’s needs— even if it means saying “no” to traditional family meals that don’t align with your health goals.
- Emotional Self-Care: Processing and expressing feelings. This may involve therapy, journaling, or honest conversations.
- Psychological Self-Care: Organizing your day with realistic expectations, effective time management, and making space for rest. Rikki encourages actually blocking off time for self-care on your calendar.
- Spiritual Self-Care: Nurturing your spirit could mean prayer, meditation, yoga, nature walks, or rituals that connect you with your ancestors and their wisdom.
- Professional Self-Care: Use your PTO, delegate tasks, and set healthy boundaries at work.
Are you tired of feeling the weight of bias and discrimination in the corporate world? The stress of being put down because of your skin color and gender can take a serious toll on your mental health.
In episode 11, I invited Dr. Roundtree to share her strategies for Black and Brown women to not only survive but thrive in the corporate world while protecting their mental well-being.
Listen now to discover how to conquer your career without sacrificing your peace.
Healing Through Transition
Rikki recognizes that for many women, starting over often comes with feelings of fear, shame, or guilt.
“It’s okay to change your mind. It’s okay to outgrow traditions,” she affirms.
She helps her clients develop confidence by tuning into their intuition, honoring what feels good at the core, and learning to trust themselves—even if it means going against family expectations.
Rikki’s own story illuminates this: from leaving her small hometown to becoming the first in her family to attend college and then moving away to start her own life, she chose her path despite pushback.
Her advice to others is to reconnect with what you loved as a child, romanticize your life, and put yourself first—because self-love isn’t selfish; it’s a matter of survival.
Embracing Self-Care Builds Strength
We’ve been taught that strength means pushing through, even when you’re hurting. True strength is in the pause, the deep breath, and the choice to heal.
It’s in setting boundaries so you can be fully present for the moments that matter.
When you embrace self-care, you’re not weakening yourself; you’re building a deeper, more sustainable kind of power.
Rikki’s holistic, trauma-informed approach to self-care provides a blueprint for women of color who are ready to heal, grow, and thrive.
Whether you’re in the messy middle of a life change or finally learning to rest without guilt, remember: you deserve to prioritize you.
You don’t have to hold it all alone. Reach out, build a community, and let your journey to joyful, healthy living begin.