Sis, we’ve all been programmed to say, “I’m fine,” even when we’re really not.
As moms, we’re taught to keep pushing and pretending everything’s okay—even when our plates are overflowing.
In episode 21 of Safe Place for Brown Girls, I share how to break that cycle and step into real honesty and healing.
Here’s why saying “I’m fine” can be dangerous—and how to start finding relief, even when the world expects you to keep it together.
The Cost of Always Being “Fine”
For women of color, especially working moms, there’s an unspoken rule learned early: keep smiling, push through, don’t complain.
The belief is that if you drop one ball, everything will come crashing down. So when someone asks, “How are you?” the automatic answer becomes, “I’m fine.”
But that shield comes at a cost. Stress that’s buried deep shows up in your body—headaches, stomach issues, sleep troubles, mood swings, anxiety, or depression.
And because you stay quiet about your struggles, those closest to you never get the chance to notice or help.
Silence might feel like protection, but pretending you’re fine only isolates you further. It doesn’t make you stronger—it just makes the weight harder to bear.
Three Steps to Break the “I’m Fine” Habit
You don’t have to shout your struggles from the rooftops, and you don’t need a perfect explanation. Start with yourself.
1. Pause and Check In With Yourself
Before you automatically say, “I’m fine,” take a moment to notice what’s really going on. Ask yourself: Am I tired? Angry? Lonely? Hungry?
This simple “HALT” check-in helps you recognize your feelings without judgment.
Naming your emotions is the first step to breaking the cycle and dealing with reality instead of suppressing them.
2. Share Honestly With One Safe Person
You don’t have to tell everyone everything—just one person you trust. It could be your sister, best friend, partner, or therapist. You don’t need a speech.
Just try something simple, like: “I know I usually say I’m fine, but today I’m exhausted.”
That small moment of honesty can open the door to connection, support, and healing.
3. Build a Small, Daily Release Valve
Give yourself a daily moment just for you. Not for your kids, your partner, your boss—just you.
Maybe it’s a 15-minute walk, journaling, praying, listening to music, or sitting in silence. It doesn’t have to be perfect—it just has to be yours.
These moments help your nervous system recharge, so you can show up for others without feeling completely drained.
You’re Welcome Here
The next time you catch yourself about to say, “I’m fine,” remember these steps: check in with yourself, share honestly with someone safe, and create a daily reset.
You don’t have to carry everything alone. There’s power in vulnerability—and healing in stepping out of silence.
If you’re ready for more support, connect with me for a free consultation at Fortis Mentis Psychiatry.
I’m always here for you—and you are always welcome here.