Growing up around trauma and then going through it yourself can keep you in a loop of relationships that wreak havoc on your mental health. How can you break the cycle so you can attract friendships and lovers who are there to support you? How can you heal so you’re not accidentally spreading hurt to others? I’m going to show you how in this episode, so you can have emotionally safe relationships that support your overall well-being.
Shownotes
The Cycle of Unsafe Relationships
- First, I like to say that creating emotionally safe relationships was something that I struggled with for the longest time. After experiencing the abusive relationship, I didn’t feel secure enough to open up to anyone else.
- I would wake up with knots in my stomach from being invalidated, gaslighted, and shamed by my partner. You know what else, it didn’t stay with me at home. The heavy feeling from being emotionally abused would travel with me to work, cause problems with my friends, and keep me from being a good mother.
- I thought the only way I could heal from this pain was by closing everyone out and by healing alone. But I was wrong.
My Journey to Emotional Safety
- My true healing path didn’t start until I went to therapy. This was when I realized that it’s in no way possible to heal in isolation. It gave me the tools so I can go within myself and start healing internally.
- It also taught me that emotional safety isn’t about having someone who treats you as you want to be treated; it’s about treating yourself right, so you’ll stop accepting less than what you deserve.
- Now, I’m married to a wonderful man who takes time to connect with me emotionally. I even have a better relationship with my children, all because I took the time to go within and decided to start treating myself better.
What is Emotional Safety?
- I just want to share what emotional safety really means, so you can have a better understanding of it.
- Being able to express yourself freely without shame or fear of punishment.
- Knowing your feelings is valid.
- Trusting that conflict won’t start fights.
- It also means that you’re being seen and heard by the other person. It can be hard to create an emotionally safe environment, especially when you were raised in chaos. But I’m here to tell you that it is possible, and with help, you can thrive in an environment where you can express your emotions without living in fear.
Why Does This Conversation Matter?
- I’m going to share a few statistics from the American Psychological Association:
- 1 in 4 women in the U.S. have experienced severe intimate partner violence—many of those experiences begin with emotional abuse, not physical.
- Women in emotionally abusive relationships are more likely to experience depression, anxiety, and low self-worth, which can spill over into parenting and workplace performance.
- Black women, specifically, are less likely to seek help due to cultural stigma and fear of being labeled “angry” or “unstable.”
- These statistics are why this conversation matters. If you’re in an abusive relationship or just coming out of one, please seek help. The pain travels way further than you think it does, and you can’t heal in isolation.
“The truth is: I lost my emotional safety, and it changed how I saw everything—including myself.” – Dr. Kathleen Estimé DNP, PMHNP-BC.
Resources
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